expired xmas blues..

it’s cliché but it really is the most wonderful time of the year..for one sole reason, it should be..

but in this age and time, hardly does Christmas feel like one when it does come around..i guess the reasons for celebrating it have come in a myriad ways..i need not bring out the cynic in me to justify my thoughts..it’s what separates kids from grown-ups..though there’s really no harm in being a kid at heart..or maybe i’m just then again sulking into my fondest yet gone-are-those-days childhood Christmas fantasies and adventures..those days our parents used to trick us on so-called Santa gifts..it was one Eureka moment the day we figured that the toys we would be having come Christmas eve were above our aparador..ergo, there really is no Santa Clause..i wouldn’t know now if I wanted to laugh or cry that very moment..it was one good way of starting to knock hard-core reality into our meagre senses..

in response to little Virginia’s query about Santa Clause: Santa does not exist..and so every little kid’s wishes vanished in thin air..when you’re a kid, it does..while there ain’t really no Santa Clauses, his spirit does exist..and that’s to say with utmost propriety, the spirit of giving and sharing..should i go on..ahmm..

then unlike a kid, you can’t wish for justice on Cristmas Day..you maketh it..

or you’d wish you’d be like that boy who never grows up..PETER PAN..was he?

the monster in me..

i am a peace-loving human being (and i’m hearing boisterous perks somewhere..) i am..i believe i am..

but times are not always how you’d normally cause them to unfold..much as you would want to do no harm..much as you would just nonchalantly (yet have a little due care still) let things be and let mundaneness do its routine madness..much as you would seem to be desperately brainfrozen by meekness and utter apathy --- the tendency to play it safe anyhow..some minds are really just too thick and chunky..

whatever is out there to be merry for (famous fairytale characters dancing your way)..

the thing is, i try hard..to hide the monster in me..that facet of my being that unleashes when my temper flares and my senses freak out..

i get mad pretty bad..i blow up pretty bad..but hey i always try to do it with some inch of class..i try at least..

only to fight..not to fight to cause hurt and induce pain..but only to fight to make a statement --- a really neat one..and knock some sense on senseless ego-busters..or simply-put, only to teach a nutty head some good ole grandma lesson..the kind that makes a crabby crab realize that the world revolves not just on its monstrous claws but on a million species of crawling and flying creatures too..

yes, i lost it again..but hey, i did justice on it..some people really need some growing up to do and a little taming on their jurassic manners..not that i ain’t in need of any though..but only because someone called and asked for it..i’d only have to give what was duly due then..

so while i am still trying to stand by my words and my act that one eventful moment of flare..i really need no anger management sessions..trust me..trust the monster in me..

motorela crimes..

after doing damage to jeepneys, the motorela a.k.a. pedicab, is the next victim in line..

once, i had 4 pesos..barely a peso short to pay..had to scamper through my messy bag, sifting through every pocket in it..nothing except two 10 centavo coins..and so i had to bargain with the driver..good gracious old man ‘manong driver’ didn’t let me off..i was only two blocks away anyhow, i would have sprinted my way to school..just in the nick of time for recitation..

another instance, my purse was badly empty..i only had bills..a hundred i reached to the driver..negotiating if he’d enough change for it, he started murmuring and blabbing in utter annoyance..i was not spared from manong driver’s lecture that night..in fact, i had a dose of it.. then again, i sauntered my way out the cab..

such a shame i couldn’t spare this minute traditional local transpo from my mischief..mindlessness..irresponsibility..

the offenses are indeed cuddling up..but is non-payment of fare a crime?! go figure..

having enough..

you wish you have more..but hey, don’t you have just enough..

a friend used to remind me every now and then that contentment is the only way to happiness..when you’re content with what you have and who you have, there’s hardly any room for lonely frustrating mood-sucking cravings..

to be happy is to be content..then again it is a state of mind..just as you can always choose to be happy..right, you can..then might as well start choosing to be content..

contentment is never complicated to begin with..it all starts and ends with a humble knowing that what you have is all you’ve got (at least, for the time being..) and being so, might as well make the dire most of what best you can maketh out of what’s in the palm of your hands..

and should you have more or less..what difference would there be..all the same, you will be glad about whatever is there..some or none, you’ll get by..

after a while..

after a while, you do learn and unlearn..and you do learn to unlearn..

you learn the lessons every stride of your journey is sending your way..
it does pay to listen..
you unlearn the ways that maketh you an inch lesser a human being..
well, at least you try..

the intricacies of things, you need not bother..
some are just there to distract you..
or make out the least and the worst in you..
mind you, it never really is worth the ear..

and you do learn to unlearn a fall, a pain, an ache..
sure it does take a while..sometimes a long while..
but the rewards of it are indeed worth a while..
sure you can learn to unlearn..

if it has been for a while now..
take a grip and start making that tiny step forward..
keep moving on and on and on..
til you’ve learned to unlearn..

somehow you’ll be surprised..amazed even..
by how hard you’ve been holding on..
by how much you’ve grown..
by that silent strength amidst it all..

the hate campaign..

there’s no point living in bitterness and hatred and madness and resentment..and i’ll never ever understand why it’s how most humans choose to live..

there’s not one or two or ten persons i’ve known who, in most instances, choose to live otherwise..

some walk with heads up high..deny their ‘loser attitude’ tendencies..desperately sporting the look that should stand by the façade ..they’d go day by day with the coolness and spunk and charms of an airhead..they’d say one thing and act another..they’d shout it out how in no way they’re bitter lasses and lads..yet a gesture or two, they turn out to be walking hypocrites on the face..

some do less talk..but actions do reveal more..then again, i’ve known and learned since kindergarten that actions speak louder than words..

and so where fiduciary relations are knitted with monetary value, i plead my case..my trust for others i’ve revoked a million times or so..

while everything around us practically comes with a price, i shouldn’t be trusting any more than i ever could..

pardon the cynic in me again..but i do not spare myself from the madness in my midst at all..even if i find it hard to swallow other’s disgusting behavior, i should try to curtail this hate campaign..before whatever more or less a havoc it can stir..

and desperately crave for justice all the more..

the stretch worth-stretching..

it's enough that you took the challenge head-on..it sure musn't have been that swift and easy..at least, you surfed it through or perhaps crawled your way through it..however you did it..with grace or an unkempt rowdy hair..would it still matter..you've been braver i am sure..

it's more than enough that you took every step of it with faith..sometimes, the efforts, when right and sincere are compensated fairly..they do..that i would take a bet on..

then i wouldn't be able to put squarely what it takes to ace the game..but i sure do know understand the power of hardwork..you only do reap the things you cared to sow..don't be such a nut not to get it..

and i can hear them all blabbing..it's really no sweat..just nosebleed!:>