paying your dues..

how often do you feel guilty about things you’ve done..to yourself..to other people..for things you’ve never cared to do when you know you ought to..for not apologizing in circumstances calling for the all-too-nice-sincere remark of sorry..

are you the type who’d go out your way to explain your actions or should be misbehaviors just to appease whoever..or does your so-called pride always hinder you from being diplomatically nice and sweet and sensitive..and just let things be, no matter what the repercussions are..at least, you're holding true to your principles..

i guess i’ve grown enough from being naïve and kind to being frank and insensitive..the transition should not be hard to reckon..right, i still know my values well enough and i ain’t compromising them for cruelty’s sake..i just thought that many times, it is better to be hard and difficult a person than be easy and fragile.. in proper circumstances though..

when you think you’ve done any wrong..you’ll have your way of straightening things..as a human being should..and you won’t be needing coaches for it nor psychiatric intervention, believe me..you only need a dose of sensibility from a fellow human..

anyhow, the kharmic rule will have its way of repaying..the universe will always have its way of placing things into place..

one step..

it’s those little steps we take that take us where we ought to be..

a step or two can do wonders if we only dare to..but sometimes, our own littleness cripples us before we even plod..

i certainly want to take a turn..take a different course..deviate..properly or improperly, i could care less..just need to shift my path..and head somewhere..

where exactly..i don’t know..all i aspire is to be somewhere where my maddest thoughts would be tamed.. where that is, if it should ever exist, is where this fellow ought to be..

it’s enough that i’m slowly and softly realizing things i long could have paid attention to..maybe i did care to listen to my feebled senses for a time..but the latter simply couldn’t absorb much, moreso decipher enough..so i only had to let them through..and off they make their way..

i know that at this point, i need to make that drastic turn and take that one bold step..i have given enough for it and somehow, i should be braver than ever to do what is justly and sensibly right..if i could muster some strength..yet i should..

for this airhead who can’t seem to take that one step towards sheer emancipation, lightning should strike any sooner..

that one step..i ought to take..

i seek no recompense..

for a while, i was badly in search of answers..i crave for them to come on a silver platter..but they never came..
’til my fragile senses..naive as they are..started knocking some hard core sense unto me..
i realized some things are just not really worth fighting for..at least now, i am starting to figure it well..
at least now, things have never been any quite clearer..at least now, i am more certain than i ever have been..an experience only it is and should be..

however it transpired..whatever i got out of it..how it opened my eyes and made me see things differently.. how it changed me maybe..or reduced me..or enlarged me..i could simply take in enough and understand and be radically content and happy..
there’s no room for defenses..lame excuses moreso..retaliation is futile all the more..only losers resort to any of these..though i may have been one myself..at least now, the issues are slowly getting resolved..in time, they will all become moot and academic..